Monday, January 3, 2011

Day 3 for Larry


I tried to write something deep to go along with the photo that I took today, but it's not coming into fruition too well. I suppose you could correlate the life of these leaves clinging so desperately to the tree during this blistery winter to those of us clinging to our lives.
My uncle passed away so suddenly this morning of a massive heart attack. No warning, whatsoever, I guess that's how it goes with those things.
His wife was with him, and his only son, and my mom arrived shortly before he passed. He said it was his time to go and he went. Goes to show how quickly the man who makes us can take us away with out a moments notice.
I think that just as important as it is to cling to life, it's even more important to decide what death is like. I believe that in some cases you can choose to stay and accept the challenges you may face or go, and going will have it's outcome and challenges as well. Even though I have learned that death is just a step in an eternal spectrum I am still quite fearful of the day I am called home. I fear of leaving my loved one's behind. I fear that they won't understand and may blame themselves or God. I don't want to die because I don't want to be missed. The death of a loved one is the biggest heartbreak and I'd hate to break hearts. I hope they will understand.
A few years ago Uncle Larry had a heart attack, received a stint and recovered. He was able to see his son get married a few months ago and spend a little bit more time on this Earth. That's a blessing.
When I found out that Uncle Larry passed away, it took me a moment to take it in...I took it like a champ. The I got to work, a co-worker noticed that I was flustered and asked if everything was okay, I snapped "things are fine, I just want to eat my McDonalds". The she asked again "are you sure you're fine, you don't look fine" Then I started crying...and choking on my cheeseburger "Jusssst let me eat-eat-eat my ch-ch-cheeseburger". And I had a good cry and a good hug from my co-worker. I mostly feel rotten for how my family members must be feeling, I wish I was there to hug them and tell them that it'll be alright, I hope they already know that. He's in paradise.

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